Wowowowowwwwooowwww! lol

So I started a new blog just a few minutes ago... I thought maybe a fresh start to this journey would be nice. Then I decided to come back here and start again.

My posting here has been VERY sporadic over the past couple of years, but it contains so much of the journey that brought me here to this moment, and while some of it is very painful, I don't want to forgot how and why I am here.

My loss, my pain, my healing, my falling, my picking myself up again... over and over and over... and now FINALLY my success in getting to a place that I honestly thought I would never again arrive at. Will it last? Will the outcome be any different this time? I don't know. The future is always uncertain. But I feel good (even if that goodness is mixed with being pretty terrified as well!) and I am here, right now, and determined to enjoy it!!!

So WHAT am I even talking about here? LOL... well those who know me either already know, or have figured it out by now, but here it is... I will say it out loud (well, type it out loud? lol) I AM PREGNANT!!! @_@

Wow. So there it is.

Pregnant.

2 years of struggling with infertility after loss! And then to make it all the more incredible, I got pregnant during a month that I wanted to avoid!!! 1 time! The ONLY time in a month! A total OOPS "I don't think anything will happen anyway kind of moment." And here I am, 2 weeks later, with not one but two tests with VERY dark lines on them! BIG.FAT.POSITIVE. WOW.

So anyway :D I know it's very early, and the future is always uncertain, which is why I'm not going to bother waiting in telling people. I waited until I was "in the safe zone" to tell people about my daughter, and lost her at 17 weeks. I know all to well there is no safe zone! So I am just to going to embrace it, enjoying, bathe in all of the happiness that is NOW. This baby will know nothing but love from the start! <3

And of course I am hoping like crazy that December brings a healthy baby in arms, instead of a memory box and ashes last the December of 3 years ago! Please, oh Please let this rainbow stick!!!